if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
