Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
