yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
