'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
