Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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