he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
