there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
