i would punch a child for taco bell
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize