Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
