Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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