i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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