I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
