i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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