i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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