He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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