Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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