Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize