i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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