My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
