mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
