Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize