There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
