Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
