I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
