I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
