someone owes me an orgasm
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
