hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize