she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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