someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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