We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
