careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
