he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
