you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
