if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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