I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
