i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
