Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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