I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize