she looked like the before picture.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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