i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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