I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
