I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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