So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
