So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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