it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
