I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
