i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
