neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
