Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
