i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize