got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize