it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
why is half of my head shaved?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
