I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
