You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You ruined the universe
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
