the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
