I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
