4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
