I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
