i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Two words: blizzard sex
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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