You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
