is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
