they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
