I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
