Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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