haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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