This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
