im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
