I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
