she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
