Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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