Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
