I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
