Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
