wrigley field is MILF paradise
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he was CRYING into my vagina
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize