being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
