You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
