Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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