wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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