oh god the rape fog is back!
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
