Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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