I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
