My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
