Pappa wants mamma naked
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
