So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
