another moral hangover. fuck.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize