I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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