Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
