i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You took a bar mat shot.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
