I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Are we still banned from the library?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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