today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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