This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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