I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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