I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
