I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
