Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
