So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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