so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize