just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
