$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just had sex bonerless
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
