My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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