i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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