I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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