i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
