I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
