he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
