What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
