You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
