You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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