I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
