Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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