Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
