I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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