im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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