Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
