Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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